Katy

Our sister Katy is in the hospital with ketoacidosis, but she’ll recover. She spent yesterday throwing up acetone and the like: a really shitty reaction to Juvenile Diabetes. Katy has probably influenced my life in about the same way as she has influenced Regina’s. She is transformative. She takes what she sees in life and turns it into something else. When she was little, she called the ocean the “big drink.” Once she made Chineese food and put licorice in it; I remember that one because my mom got so mad. I am the opposite; I just want to see and present things as they are.

When she was about 4 and I was 9, we were going somewhere together and she decided to walk along the top of a retaining wall. I was walking alongside, telling her that if she falls, to fall in my direction so that I can catch her. There’s no way in hell I would have walked on of that wall. When she is in the hospital, I am likely to sit here and worry, but her fearlessness helps. I did manage to get the things done today that I needed to. I tried calling the hospital about 5 times, but every time I called she was getting tests done or sleeping. Nobody was there with her today, which absolutely killed me. My mom spent all day there with her yesterday, but had to work today.

This afternoon we had our championship softball game. I was definitely feeling bad juju, and thought it would rub off on everyone else. The first pitch of the game resulted in a broken windshield, but that wasn’t my fault. In the second inning, the ball fell in dog crap and it got all over the shortstop’s hand. We were down all game, until the last inning, where we were up by two. I had done my part to keep the game interesting by sucking in the field. Of course, we had lost the coin toss, so the other team had last ups. They scored one and then it was two out with a man on third. A lefty came up to bat, and popped it up in the infield. The fist baseman called it, but I was under it. Game over, we won.

All of a sudden a shitty day and a shitty game was changed into something else. For that moment I stopped bearing the day as it was and turned it into something better. Just after the game I finally got through to Katy in the hospital, and she was feeling better. I feel indescribably good now.

Work Vs. Play

I guess maybe the blue sky freaked me out a bit too much. We’ve all heard the saying, nobody wishes on their deathbed that they had worked more often. I started feeling like if I were to become deathly ill, I would wish that I had worked harder. That is a tribute to what grad school does to a person. So, I cancelled Milwaukee vacation to work. I managed to get the necessary things done, but it totally sucked. I missed out on seeing my sweetie’s home in the summer. I missed out on Lake Lulu and a Brewers’ game. We were going to a few days alone. It will be awhile before I stop thinking about how wonderful it would have been. Such is life. There will be next summer and the summer after that and so on. Ultimately, it is just one less thing to think about on my deathbed.

The first deep blue day of the year

The first scent of autumn blew through town today. Last night I fell asleep on top of the blankets, and woke up early to the chill of the first autumn breeze. Even though autumn is my favorite season, I have a feeling of eminent loss. It isn't really the losing the leaves from the trees and the bareness of winter; it is the loss of another year.

I hadn't really seen the leaves fall off the tress until my first semester in college, and I loved it. I saw winter as a time to be bare like the trees, to strip one's life of all but the essentials. That's great, and I wish I had time for it this year. The reason to strip oneself for winter is to be prepared for spring; for rebirth and more growth. The trees have to suck up all the nutrients from the leaves and preserve themselves for awhile. Leaves are for productivity and growth, so they are irrelevant in the winter.

So, this winter I will see what it's like to be an evergreen. This winter I want to work hard, since I have this new idea and all.

Things that need to be nurtured to grow

This spring I planted some herbs and the like on my porch. I've never been much of a gardener, but I wanted a wholesome hobby, so I decided to give it a try. For several months I dilligently watered the plants and they grew. Alas, we had a heat wave and I neglected to water my garden for a week or so and all of my plants died. Likewise, and I'm sure that the 16 people who have read my profile have lost interest since I last blogged. Most things require dilligence to grow, which is why good gardens and blogs are rare. On the flip side, despite constant negligence my butt continues to grow.